Letters From Your Secret Admirer

you know I love you, but you will never know how much.

Always,

me

I miss you so much. Come home soon, having you half-way across the world is killing me.

Anonymous asked: Dear You,
I love you. You don't know it, but I do. It kills me how in a few months you'll be off to a far off place where you'll meet new people... new girls. That kills me so much. The idea that some other girl will feel the same way about you that I feel now, and worse? You'll love her back instead of me. Please, I love you. We still have time. Long distance could work. But if it doesn't work, please don't forget me. Yours, M.

I apologize for not being able to update this blog as often as I would like.  I have been extremely busy studying for a graduate examination.  Once that is over on July 6, I promise I’ll have more time.  However, please continue sending in your letters.  I will make some time to update this blog, I promise.  Thanks again for the support. :)

Anonymous asked: Dear You,

I am completely and utterly in love with you. Everything about you is perfect. I've always dreamed of that perfect guy. That one who I would just look at and fall immediately in love with. That old-fashioned "love at first sight" kinda thing. With you that happened for me. The instant my eyes might yours that January day, I felt something. I did. Our friendship progressed and soon I felt myself falling literally head over heels in love with you. I've never met anyone in my whole life that I feel like I connect to more. When I'm around you I feel this... this, electric shield kind of thing. My soul just wants to feel yours. I just want to hug you, hold you, be with you. To me, your perfect in everyway. You cross my mind all the time. Do I ever cross yours? Do you ever think of me? Do you feel for me the way I feel for you? I just love you. Your my Tony and I'm your Maria. Or your my Fiyero and I'm your Elphaba. I listen to the cd you made me all the time. Not just because I love the songs... but because it makes me feel like your close. Like you aren't really that far. "My Eyes Adored You" THAT is true. True for me to you. I've never met ANYONE as passionate for musical theatre as I am. It's so spirit lifting so finally have someone to talk musicals, theatre, and acting with. It's so amazing. You inspire me. You inspire me so much. in fact, before you I had lost my love and ambition for acting. After acting with you, it's come back. So for that, I'm forever indebt to you. Thank you. Thank you for that. Also... your eyes. I love your eyes. Their color is so deep and yet so light. and when your eyes meet mine I feel like you can read into my whole soul. I love that. I've never felt so comfortable, so natural around a guy before. I feel so happy, so, complete when I'm around you. The fact we are leaving for college kills me. It kills me. Not only am I going somewhere far off that I don't want to be. But it means the end of the possibility of us. If there even is a possibility for us. I know we have an excellant, beautiful relationship as friends so I truely think we could be perfect as 'more than friends'. But if I tell you... will our friendship end? Since it's summer and you are always 'busy' will we able to even hang out and continue our friendship? At this point... no matter how much I feel for you. If telling you means losing our friendship, I'd rather keep my love a secret. Anways, I love you. I wish you felt the same. and I miss you. I miss you terribly.

Anonymous asked: Dear You.

It’s been quite some time since we’ve REALLY spoken. Which is totally weird, because there was a time when we would literally talk to each other 24/7. We talked about the stupidest things, the funniest things, the most random things, just EVERYthing. We’d laugh and cry together, and tell each other our deepest secrets, even though we hadn’t known each other that long. I never admitted to anybody that I had feelings for you, but I did. I knew I was leaving, but still couldn’t picture my life without you. You were my crutch, my support. The only one who REALLY understood what I was going through.

And then it just stopped. You just stopped speaking to me. Just like that. You wouldn’t answer any of my calls, not even to your home phone. And you timed it just right: the week I left. So there was really nothing I could do- I was stuck not being able to know what was happening with you, all the way across the country. You must have known how worried I was- I knew about all your problems. But all the same, you just wouldn’t talk.

It went on that way for months. And then... you tried talking to me again. First acting like nothing had happened, and then blaming me for what had happened to us. As if your suicide attempts were an excuse. I could have talked to you through all that, helped you get through it! Not only did you destroy our relationship, but you made my relationships with my closest friends suffer as well. And then you tried to act as if no time had passed, as if we were still the happy little children we had been in the summer time. But if you had stuck around, you would have known that I had become a very different person. That I had become distraught and pathetic, succumbing to self-pity and anxiety. So no, don’t flatter yourself. You were only a fraction of the reason for my fall.

I guess we’re on okay terms now. We exchange the occasional awkward text. I hear from my closest friends back in your neck of the woods that when I visit next, you plan to kiss me. And it makes me sad to realize that I would never want to kiss you now. If you do, I feel like I’ll just slap you in the face. For everything you’ve done and all your ridiculous and selfish expectations.

I think this was supposed to be a letter from a secret admirer. I guess that’s not so much what this is. But it is what it is. I can’t change what’s already happened, I can only learn from my past mistakes. And I think it’s safe to say that giving you three second chances was a mistake.

Anonymous asked: Dear you,
I've known you for a while and I have always thought that you were amazingly beautiful, but it wasn't until recently that I began to notice how amazing and funny you are. I don't know what to do because I don't know exactly how I feel or even if you will reciprocate the feelings. I hope that it will all work out in the end even if that means that we remain "just friends".

Love, Me.

I know you don’t like me, & trust me. I’m getting over you. It’s a slow process, but it’s getting there. However, I still think you are this talented, intelligent, and just overall a good-looking guy. I kind of miss our random conversations & your oblivious & introverted personality. I don’t think you knew a thing about my feelings until I told you, or maybe you did? I don’t know, apparently everyone knew. Anyway… this letter is going no where, so I’ll say what I have to, straight to the point:

You’re better than what you think you are. You need more confidence in yourself & in everything that you do, & you really need to stop putting yourself down. I’m still here & so is our friendship, but sometimes I think you forget that. You can tell me anything, or you can tell me nothing at all. Just know that I will forever admire you, & also know that I exist. Don’t forget me in the future; I hope nothing changes between us. Thank you for giving me a proper answer, for being an awesome friend, & for the great music.

Sincerely, Me: Your Not-So-Secret Admirer Anymore.